Blackmail: The Date of Misfortunes
by theVoiceInsideYourHead
Summary: Sequel: Raven and Dick finally get their long awaited date. One problem though, Fate still has it in for them.


Hey guys, I'm really sorry for this took so long. I've been trying to update since Wednesday night (April 11) but wouldn't let me upload my documents! Gomen!

A/N: After two long, completely crazy months, I present to you the long awaited one-shot of Raven and Dick's _unfortunate_ date. Let me leave my ramblings for later and usher you to read the crazy misfortunes our fated couple encountered in _one _date.

_**DISCLAIMERS:**_

_**-TEEN TITANS, HARRY POTTER, CSI AND FALL OUT BOY DO NOT BELONG TO ME.**_

_**-NO COWS, CATS, ANNOYING PEOPLE IN FAT SUITS AND CYBERNETIC TECHNOLOGY WERE HURT IN THE MAKING OF THIS FIC.**_

xxxxxx 

Crickets chirped in the cold night air. Again. And again. And again.

_Crick. Crick._

Raven's left eyebrow twitched.

"Why the hell are they taking so long?"

Dick gritted his teeth and gripped the steering wheel tighter, "Why don't you go ask them?"

His shades-covered eyes narrowed and glared as hard as they could at the pack of cows crossing the road.

Raven would've laughed if this was an immensely funny movie…but it wasn't. So she was, once again, pissed.

"WHAT IN HELL SENT'S NAME ARE _COWS_ DOING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMNED _ROAD_???" Raven yelled, slamming her hands down on the dashboard.

_MooShriek. MooShriek._

The cows got frightened and ran off, only to run into a giant truck turning them into instant beefsteak.

"That's got to hurt" Dick muttered, looking away from the carnage.

_Vroom. Skid. Skid. Break._

"What the--?" Raven squinted through the car's windows and asked, "Shit…is that _Vic_?"

True enough, their ever faithful friend Victor Stone was out on the other side of the road, throwing large cows over his shoulder and bringing them to the back of the pickup truck that was currently being driven by no one other than Bee herself.

Dick lowered his glasses and raised his eyebrows, "That has got to be some kind of twisted and _sick _coincidence"

"Knowing Vic, that's exactly what he would do. That's definitely him"

Dick shook his head, "Let's just go. It's kind of creepy how Bee and Vic can smell dead cows miles and miles away"

Rave shuddered, "Step on it, birdboy"

"My pleasure"

Dick stepped as hard as he could on the gas pedal and the car zoomed away, leaving smoke and skid marks in its wake.

Vic suddenly stopped and dropped the cow he was carrying, "Did you hear anything, Bee? I think a car just drove off on the other side of the road"

Bee shrugged and continued chomping on the beef jerky she had in her hand, "Want some jerky?"

xxxxxx 

Raven stared up at the dark sky, "Where are we going anyway?"

Dick grinned mischievously, "Don't get your knickers in a twist"

Raven grimaced, "You have been watching too much Harry Potter"

Dick snickered, "Like you and CSI?"

"At least CSI is educational. Not like all the magic crap Harry Potter stuffs in your brain"

"Uh-huh" Dick said, rolling his eyes.

Raven poked his arm roughly "You do realize that I know when you're rolling your eyes, right?"

"And you would know that how? I'm wearing sunglasses"

"Because I've been your bestfriend ever since Johnny Rancid pushed you into the lake when we were seven. The corners of your mouth twitch when you roll your eyes"

"Please don't remind me about that"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"It's embarrassing. And annoying. I'm still traumatized by that"

"Fine, fine" Raven crossed her fingers.

Dick looked straight ahead and rolled his eyes just to make sure.

"I saw that"

"That's freaky"

"Thank you"

Dick slumped his shoulders, "That wasn't meant to be a compliment"

"I know. I like getting people pissed. It's a hobby"

"I, of all people, am very aware from that. I still remember the time when you dumped Kori's project for Home Ec. on my head. I couldn't get that gross smell out of my hair for weeks!"

Raven smiled, "Fun times, fun times"

Dick fingered his impeccably styled jet-black hair, "What was in that anyway?"

Raven furrowed her eyebrows slightly, "Um…I think there was some radish, wasabe and _Betelgeuse_…"

Dick suddenly stepped on the brakes of the car.

Raven lurched forward and had to grab the car seat to keep from flying out the windshield, "Are you seriously trying to kill me, Grayson???

Dick's face was a deathly pallor as he turned towards Raven, "Did you just say _beetle juice_?"

Raven sighed and tapped a finger on her chin, "Hmm…I thought you wouldn't notice that…"

Dick turned sickly green, "Oh my God…how could I not recognize beetle juice…I think I'm going to be sick"

"Then do it outside the car"

Dick's face puffed up as he jumped out of the car's rolled-down window. Sounds of throwing up filled the air as well as liquid hitting concrete. The door opened and the said boy sat back inside.

"Better?" Raven asked sardonically, eyebrow twitching.

Dick stepped lightly on the gas pedal once more, "Not a word, Rae. Not a word"

Raven whistled innocently, "Who said I was going to say anything?"

Dick glared at her before resuming the car's trip again.

"Are we there yet?" she asked, tapping her finger on her lap, "This ride is getting way too long for my liking"

Dick pouted, "Why, Rae? Don't like my company much?"

Raven growled under her breath "Not at all, birdbrain. I'm still wondering why I'm going on a _date _with _you_"

Dick's hand shot up to his chest as he pretended to be hurt, "I think you just broke my heart. I'm dying inside"

Raven chuckled, "I think my sarcasm is rubbing off on you"

"Where else would I have gotten it?"

"Good point. But you still haven't answered my question, are we even _close _in getting to wherever we're going?"

"We're here"

Raven made a move to open her door when Dick speedily shot out of the car and did it for her, "Thank you. My, my, Dickie-poo has turned into such a gentleman"

Dick held out his hand, "I hope you're not being sarcastic"

Raven raised an eyebrow, "I was"

Dick fell to the floor.

Raven poked his body with her toe and said, "You better get up, Dick. People are staring"

Dick bounded up, "Let's go"

The two teens headed toward the maitre' d and got their reserved seats. The table was placed in a place near the window that was overlooking the bay.

"This place is damn beautiful, Dick. How'd you get us reservations?"

Dick fingered the tablecloth, "My mom. She's a friend of the owner or something. Did you know that when I told her about our date, she screamed so loud, opened champagne and started celebrating"

Raven smiled, "I'm getting the feeling that we we're the only ones oblivious to it"

"I'm getting the feeling that your feeling is right," Dick added.

A waiter then walked up to them and asked, "Are sir and madam ready to order?"

Dick nodded, "Sure, Parker"

He handed them two menus and bowed politely before leaving.

"Parker?"

Dick rubbed his head sheepishly, "I told you. My parents and I go here often"

Raven noticed a pair of eyes staring from behind her and turned around. There was this unbelievable fat woman with crooked teeth sitting alone at a table, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Um, Dick?"

Dick looked over his menu, "What?"

"I think you have a stalker," Raven pointed to the back.

Dick peered over his companion's shoulder and saw the woman, "Sick, Rae. Sick"

The woman then chose that opportunity to wave and smile seductively at him.

Dick turned a nasty shade of purple and green, "I take that back. _That_ is BEYOND sick"

Raven smirked, "I feel sorry for you"

The moment she opened her menu the lights went out.

"What the hell?" Raven muttered, squinting in the dark, "Still there, Dick?"

Silence.

"Dick? Where the hell are you?"

Raven reached out and attempted to Dick's collar but she was met with nothing but air.

"This is not very funny" Raven whispered loudly, "If this is some pathetic joke, Grayson…"

Suddenly the lights were on again but her date was still nowhere to be seen.

"Shit" Raven said, standing up, "I am _so _killing him"

"Raven…help…"

The mumbled plea had gotten Raven's attention and forced her to spin around. Dick was on the fat woman's lap with the said person trying to snog the living daylights out of him.

"Don't just stand there…" Dick said frantically, "I can't breathe!"

Raven was very tempted to leave him there and laugh but hell, she felt sorry for him so she grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the fat woman's death embrace.

"Took you long enough" Dick said, rubbing his sore neck, "Raven?"

Raven's back was facing him as she struggled not to laugh.

A vein throbbed on Dick's forehead, "Don't you dare laugh at me, Raven Roth. That was not funny!"

Raven stifled a giggle, "Yes it was"

"I nearly suffocated!" Dick protested, slumping back in his seat.

Raven raised an eyebrow, "That's what made it funny"

"Haha" Dick laughed dryly.

"Stick in the mud" Raven mouthed.

Parker came back to the table and asked, "What will you be having?"

Dick scanned his menu over again and ordered, same with Raven.

"Will that be all?" Raven nodded.

She turned back to Dick, "What's this place called anyway?"

"I think you'll like the name," Dick murmured thoughtfully.

"Why? What's the name?"

"Chateaux de Noir" Dick finished.

"House of Black…" Raven said, "Very nice, my kind of place"

"Why do you think we're having dinner here?"

Raven stared out the glass window and smiled slightly, "You know, the view really is beautiful"

Her eyes scanned the grounds appreciatively when they spotted a slight movement behind some bushes.

"Dick…did you see that?"

Dick looked at her, "See what?"

Raven pointed to the bush, "Over there. I think I just saw something move"

_Mewl. Mewl._

_Hiss. Hiss._

The sound was very faint but audible.

"Was that a cat?"

"I heard a dog" Dick supplied.

Raven grabbed Dick's hand and dragged him out the back door. They passed Parker on the way.

"We'll be right back, Parker!" Dick shouted.

Raven continued to drag him over near the bay where the sound had come from. She went behind the bush and saw a tiny puppy being hissed at by a really, really, big cat. Demon eyes suddenly appeared on Raven's face, scaring the offending cat away.

"Awww" Raven said quietly, picking the puppy up, "Do you want me to masticate and eviscerate the kitty that was scaring you?"

Dick sweatdropped, "I fear for the sake of that cat"

The small pup suddenly snuggled up further into Raven's embrace.

"Cute" Dick said, "Can I hold him?"

He held out his hands but the puppy immediately growled and started barking at him.

"Someone doesn't like you"

Dick pouted, "I didn't do anything!"

The puppy had, miraculously by the way, copied Raven's demon eyes and glared with as much contempt as it could at Dick.

"Good puppy" Raven said, petting the pup's head.

Dick crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, "Lets go back in. Parker must be wondering why we went out so abruptly"

"Yeah, yeah" Raven muttered.

As the two went back inside the restaurant, the big fat lady that was supposedly _in love_ with Dick was sniffing his chair.

"You cannot be serious" Dick's eyes were as wide as saucers.

Raven's eye twitched again, "I think she just went from in love to obsessed"

Dick jumped behind Raven and whispered, "Do something! She's really freaking me out now"

"I have the perfect remedy for this," Raven said. She paused for a moment before shouting, "SECURITY!!!"

Two big burly men came out from nowhere and started dragging the psychotic woman away.

"Nooooo! Leave me with my one true love! Tell them, Dickie-poo! Nooooo!!!"

Dick's mouth dropped open, "Did she just say _Dickie-poo_?"

"Hold it!" Raven said loudly.

She stomped up to the woman and grabbed a lock of hair.

"Let go of my hair, bitch!"

Raven sneered, "I think I know who this is"

She gave a big tug and then the mask was off. Turns out that the big ugly fat woman was really Katie Anders in disguise.

"Take her away, boys" Raven said, snapping her fingers.

"Oh God…" Dick said, sitting on his chair, "That was very, very horrifying"

Raven made a face, "I can't believe Katie would stoop so low"

Dick shot her a look.

"Okay fine. Maybe I did. But I never knew it would be _this_ low"

Dick sighed, "Let's just enjoy our dinner in peace"

After a few more minutes, Parker headed over to them and served their food.

"Bon appetit" Parker bowed and left.

Dick poked his food with a fork and asked, "Where did those guards come from?"

Raven twirled her pasta and replied, "Well, seeing as you dad is a the CEO of a major biotech company, they came from him. I guess I had this eerie feeling gnawing at the base of my brain that someone might try to molest you"

"Are you psychic?" Dick asked suspiciously.

"Maybe. Maybe not"

"I hate it when you talk cryptically. It's unnerving"

Raven rolled her eyes, "Everything I do, Dick, is unnerving to at least every person in the human population"

"I guess that's why I love you" Dick grinned sheepishly, turning a bit pink.

"You sound incredibly cheesy when you say that," Raven said, "I guess that's why Ilove you too"

Dick raised both eyebrows and asked suggestively, "Do you think I'll be getting a kiss from a beautiful lady tonight?"

"If you keep asking that you might not"

Dick retracted and began to eat again.

"Besides, when you even say or ask anything pertaining to that topic, you sound like Gar" Raven added, "Sounding like Gar is not something you should aim for"

Dick put his fork down, "Why is Gar so inept at me getting to first base anyway?"

"Probably because he hasn't been getting any from Jinx"

Dick's mouth dropped even lower than it did when he learned that the fat woman was really Katie.

Raven gripped her fork tightly, "Not that way, pervert. I meant _kissing_"

Dick settled back down, "Oh, sorry"

Raven pointed her fork accusingly at him, "What were you thinking, Dick? _Sex_? I don't think they're even allowed"

Dick cringed, "We should stop talking about our best friends' sex life. Really uncomfortable"

"You started it"

_Thnks fr th mmrs by Fall Out Boy tune starts playing._

Raven flipped open her phone, "Yes, Vic?"

"_Jinx wants to talk to you_"

"Whatever"

Mumbles of '_Here Jinx…Wait! Don't grip my phone too tight!_' could be heard over the line.

"Jinx?"

"_If you mention one more thing about mine and Gar's sex life, I swear I will make your boyfriend wish he'd never been born_"

"Hey!" Dick protested.

Raven pushed him away from her phone, "How _the hell_ did you even know that?"

"_Click._"

"Bitch" Raven muttered.

"Why did she threaten me? Why not you?" Dick asked indignantly.

Raven peeked under the table, "Because she can't threaten me. I'm un-threaten-able…Aha!"

"What? Did you find anything?"

"Ugh…no. Just a real ladybug" She stood up.

Dick peered closely at the front of Raven's dress.

Raven glared, "You better not be looking at where I think you're looking"

Dick turned red, "No! I mean, there's something pinned…there"

Raven looked down and saw a small black spot near her neckline, "What the hell…?"

She picked it out and brought it up to the light.

"Victor Stone…" Raven said darkly, "I am _so_going to kill you…"

xxxxxx 

Victor took of his headphones and handed them to Jinx, "Jinx. I'm scared. She's starting to say stuff about decapitating me"

Jinx put on the headphone and flinched. Over and over again.

"I don't think you want to hear the rest"

Gar stared at the computer screen, "Guys…I think you should look at this"

Kori grabbed the bowl of popcorn again and stared at the screen. She shrieked.

"Aaah! It is a monster!!!"

True enough, Raven _did _look like a monster. Her eyes seemed to glow red and her face was bent down Sadako/The Grudge-style.

"Oh my…" Gar squeaked.

_Fuzz. Fuzz. Glitch. Eerie music._

The screen became fuzzy then a well in the middle of a clearing appeared.

"Is that a _well_?" Victor asked, edging away from the laptop.

"Shit, shit, shit…."

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!"

xxxxxx 

Raven sighed contentedly and closed _her _laptop, "That was fun"

"What did you just do?"

"Well, I connected Vic's little camera to this laptop and _messed _with it a bit so they'll see a well and Sadako coming out of it, followed by the girl from the Grudge"

"Damn"

"I know. Anyway, that will teach them not to spy on me. This is why I'm un-threaten-able"

"Remind me not to threaten you then"

"You wouldn't have the guts"

Dick was about to retort when Raven glared at him the same way she glared at the camera.

"Um...forget it…"

Raven stuffed her laptop back to who knows where and folded her arms, "I rest my case"

Dick thought for a moment, "Now I know the reason why Kitten left so abruptly in the middle of the school year last year"

Raven smiled blissfully, "Now that was one of my favorite torture sessions"

"What happened anyway?"

"Well," Raven said, "She started this rumor that Jinx and I were lesbians but we never really minded it. What really pissed me off was the fact that she made this really grotesque and utterly _fake _video of us 'supposedly' making out"

"Nasty. Then what happened?"

"Jinx locked Kitten in me in a dark room with my laptop and a collection of horror and gory videos"

"Do I even want to know?"

"Nope"

As Dick took a bite of shrimp he asked, "Want to try some? It's really good. If I recall correctly, you love seafood"

Raven grinned, "Fine"

Dick was about to fork-feed her a shrimp he yelped in pain, "OW!!! What the hell?"

He stood up from his chair and looked down at his leg.

"Raven! Get your dog to stop biting my leg!!!" Dick shouted.

"Scaredy cat" Raven murmured, "Here, boy. Come here"

The dog let go of Dick's leg, wagged its tail happily and walked over to Raven.

"That thing has it in for me"

Raven pet the puppy's head, "And so it seems"

_Woof, woof!_

Raven turned toward the sound and saw a girl puppy walk into the restaurant, behind it walked its master. The puppy Raven was holding suddenly jumped down from her arms and headed for the other pup. The two started barking to each other and headed off outside.

"I can't believe it" Raven said, shaking her head.

"I can't believe your dog got a date in two seconds flat"

Raven hit Dick's arm, "Jealous?"

"Why would I be jealous of a dog?"

Raven smirked, "You know, let's just eat and get on with this 'date'"

After half an hour, Raven and Dick were back in the car.

"We made it out alive!"

Raven snorted, "Don't sound so dramatic. Act like a man"

Dick looked at her and exclaimed, "I nearly got raped by Katie in a horrid, HORRID costume and got bit by your damn dog! I lived! I'm happy!"

Raven grinned, "Still, you have to admit, it _was _funny"

"Yeah, yeah"

About 45-minutes into the ride, Raven heard a faint beeping.

_Beep. Beep._

"Dick…Do you hear that?"

Dick pulled the car over, "What?"

"The beeping. Do you hear it?"

Dick strained to listen for it and said, "Yeah. I wonder where it's coming from…"

Two seconds later, the two heard a very small 'pop' coming from the hood of Dick's car. The two stepped out of the black vehicle and proceeded to opening the hood.

"That sounded oddly like the mini-bomb Vic was making last night" Dick said conversationally.

Raven froze in her tracks and faced Dick, "What did you just say?"

Dick groaned, "Oh come on! Can we not have _one goddamn ordinary date_???"

He peered inside and saw what he had been dreading. There was this small cybernetic thing attached to the water tank beside the engine.

"He evaporated all of the water didn't he?" Raven asked, crossing her arms.

"Oh yeah. The engine will overheat if we continue to use the car"

"Do you see any fire hydrants around?"

Dick closed the hood, "No. Chateaux de Noir gets their water from the lake. They filter everything so they don't have water connections here"

Raven's eye twitched repeatedly until she decided to kick off the heels she was wearing and promptly sit on the hood of Dick's car. Dick's eyebrow rose.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Raven tapped a finger on the black paintjob and replied, "Sitting. What does it look like?"

Dick sighed and joined the purple haired girl on his car, "If my car gets scratches, you're paying for the new paint"

"Whatever"

Raven leaned back on her arms and stared up at the sky dotted with stars.

"The stars look beautiful"

Dick smiled, "Yeah…they do"

Raven pointed at one constellation, "That was above us during Prom Night"

"You remember that?"

Raven grinned, "When important stuff happens I tend to remember minuscule details about everything"

"Eidetic memory?"

"I guess so"

A comfortable silence passed until Raven spoke up once again.

"Isn't it funny how we got this way?"

"Huh?"

"Well, first we were best friends. Then major crises started happening one after another…I'm just wondering, if Jinx, Gar, Vic and Kori never decided to _help_ us make up, where would we be right now?"

Dick intertwined his fingers with Raven's, "Right here. Give or take a couple of days…Raven, when this year started my mom sort of talked to me about apologizing to you for all the shit I did. I agreed but I just didn't know where and how to do it. The gang just gave us a slight push. Either way, I still would have said sorry. Maybe not on Prom Night but still…"

Raven tightened her grip and said jokingly, "You really are something, Richard Grayson"

"Do you love me?" Dick asked suddenly.

"Of course I love you," Raven replied then added, "Although I do love my laptop more"

Dick snorted and nudged Raven lightly, "Funny"

"Why'd you ask?"

Dick shrugged, "I don't know. For assurance I guess"

Raven leaned on his shoulder, "I love you"

"I love you too," Dick said looking down at her.

Raven withdrew her head rubbed her thumb on Dick's face. She removed his sunglasses.

"Don't you ever forget that, okay?"

"Never"

Raven smiled.

Dick said softly, "I really want to kiss you right now"

Dick leaned down and was prepared to capture Raven's lips in a kiss when Raven said, "Wait. Hold that thought"

Raven reached in her pocket and took out a small pellet gun. She pointed it at the roof of the car where a tiny, almost hidden camera perched. She fired and smirked when the bug exploded into a tiny million pieces.

xxxxxx 

_Fuzz. Fuzz._

"Aw man!" Vic complained, "She got my bug!"

Gar pouted, "And I was looking for a good scene"

Kori sighed, "Maybe on their next outing we might be able to get a 'good scene'"

Jinx, on the other hand, got way ticked off, "DAMN YOU, RAVEN ROTH!!!"

xxxxxx 

Raven set the gun beside her and grabbed Dick's collar, "Where were we?"

A bunch of birds then suddenly cawed and flew away a couple of miles away from them.

"Jinx?" Dick whispered.

Raven rolled her eyes and sealed her mouth over his.

Minutes later, Dick pulled away to catch his breath, "A perfect way to end a Date of Misfortunes, don't you think?"

Raven grinned, "I think this date was fortunate after all"

xxxxxx 

PS: So, what do you think? I wanted to make this a bit longer but when I read it over I was very, _very _happy with the result. Also, I'm sad to say that this may be my last fic in the Teen Titans category. I'm aiming to make my first ever _OC-less _Harry Potter story, yaoi nonetheless. After that, more animè stories I guess.

Thanks to all my readers for helping me be the best I could be!

So review and wish me luck! Sayonara!

-SaMiE-


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